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Friday, April 17, 2009

My faults, evaluated by me

I thought it would be fun interesting to take a look at myself and see if I can really take an account of my introspective view of my faults.  I'm big on lists, so sit back, get yourself a cup of coffee, and come peruse my closet of imperfections!

1.  It's funny how the little things that other people do annoy me, but I can't quite understand why someone else would EVER be annoyed with me.  I tend to be very hard on myself, and yet I give myself the benefit of the doubt much more than I do for others.

2.  I wear my emotions on my sleeves, typically, which is a bad thing for those of us that tend to care too much.  If you want to know how I'm feeling you can generally look at my face and know (almost always!) exactly what my emotional status is.  This isn't necessarily bad all the time, you know transparency and all, but can be in professional settings.  I've been known to cry in front of a boss.  In fact, if you make me angry...I mean REALLY angry, it makes me cry.  Every time.

3.  Lately I've been wondering if it is possible to care too much, and I've decided that YES, it is possible to care too much.  In my opinion, this is another form of selfishness.  For example, it is wonderful for me to care for and care about JMonster, but when I am caring for his EVERY need and caring about (worrying) about every move he makes and how it will affect me (don't you DARE lean back in that chair because you might fall and hurt yourself and if it's bad enough I might lose you and)...that crosses over into selfish.

4.  I use the royal "we" when I discuss myself.  My husband constantly asks me who WE is and if I have a mouse in my pocket.  Guess I get that from being a twin!

5.  I NEED organization in my life, but I HATE to clean!  I love to organize, though.  If I were rolling in dough my house would be the most organized place on the planet.

6.  There are certain times of the month that I become highly irritable.  Really.  No, it is true!

7.  I am sound and smell sensitive.  I have some of the most sensitive ears and nose that I know.  Sometimes I'm hard of hearing because of it...I can't filter out background noise in order to hear what I'm really wanting to focus on.

8.  It's hard for me to forgive myself.  Well, maybe not forgive, but to really forget.  It would be nice to move past old "sins" and not have them hiding back there in the shadows of my attic (brain).

9.  Paranoia.  I have paranoia.  If you stop talking when I walk up, I think you must have been talking about me.  If you don't call me for a few days, I think you must hate me.  If you look at me funny, I fear I have a booger in my nose or my breath is horrible.  Very egocentric.  Not sure how to get past this one, though!

10.  I can't stand to be late, but even more than that I hate being early.  I have this horrible affliction where I try and time everything to the exact minute.  It usually works, but I never leave room for contingency.  Like traffic.  Or a 3 year old needing to go to the bathroom, or...

11.  I feel the need to regurgitate my whole day to The Rev as soon as he walks in the door from work.  Never mind that HE has been working all day!  (Thus, the blog, which is one way I'm attempting to fix this particular issue.)

12.  Everyone is my responsibility and if you are not: happy, doing well in school, healthy, socially engaged, fill in the blank___________ IT IS MY FAULT.  I get a pit in my stomach thinking I didn't help someone as much as I should have or could have.  And since I'm laying it all out on the line...I feel overly responsible for The Rev.  What he eats, if he works's NOT my responsibility, but I feel like it is.

13.  Television has shown me that I am too emotionally involved in everything I do.  If someone on a show is in trouble, my heart will race and  I become tense until they are okay.  This has led me to purge any and all news from my TV schedule.  I can't handle the fires, homicides, kidnappings, shootings, etc...that goes on in a big city like Atlanta.  Imagine what my blood pressure would be!

14.  I am HORRIBLE about keeping up with people.  The Rev is EXCELLENT at this.  If someone is out of sight, they are almost out of mind.  I wish this weren't true, but it is.  Facebook is helping this a ton, though.

15.  You're in trouble?  I'll do anything to help you.  I can be a GREAT mama bear!  I'm in trouble or need help?  Very rarely will I stick up for myself or do anything that is solely beneficial to me.

16.  I cannot tell a lie.  Maybe a small white one to keep from hurting your feelings, but (and this goes back to the wearing my emotions on my sleeve) if I had to save myself by telling a whopper...well, just remember I want to be cremated and not buried!

17.  And finally, I am an introvert.  Not a bad thing in and of itself, but this leads me to be a bit of a homebody unless others draw me out.  The bad part is relying on others for my socialization!

There you have it, folks!  The ugly that festers inside of Swizz.  I'm sure there's more...God knows there is, and I'm eternally grateful that all of them are forgiven by grace...

What are YOUR faults? ;o)


daflowers said...

you and I are more alike than I ever realized...

Little Sis said...

This makes me miss you...and as Dad would have said "I love you in spite of all of your obvious faults." :-)

Swizz said...

So I forgot a few...
18. I'm addicted to caffeine. I LOVE my coffee! Stand in the way and I might hurt you.
19. I'm addicted to chocolate. Must have something chocolate every day...or I might hurt you. (Get the theme here?)
20. When I'm angry or debating someone, I lose my train of thought and can't get a reasonable argument out. I can tell you I'm upset, but I can't always tell you WHY or give you specific examples.

I'm sure I'll think of more.

backwoods conservative said...

Faults? What faults? I'm perfect in every way, and anybody who disagrees with me is automatically wrong. :D

But seriously, one of my biggest faults is being lazy about doing things around the house. That applies to both housecleaning and yardwork. I have been doing better about yardwork since moving out in the country. I think part of what bothered me about yardwork when I lived in town was the houses were so close to each other that any time I was outside I felt like somebody was looking over my shoulder.

It's been my experience that taking a hard look at themselves is one of the hardest things for people to do. I've been involved with a certain well-known 12 step program, and the step that scared people the most was the fourth one: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. A lot of people were really afraid of what they might see.

On another note, I recall a couple of guys I used to work with. It was laughable to hear these guys talk about each other, because the faults they saw in each other, everybody else saw in both of them.

I try to take a look at myself on a regular basis, knowing that I can never be perfect, but I can try to be better.

Alyssa: said...

I have too many to list, perhaps on my blog one day...stay tuned. But...your #12 and #15 caught my attention--I definitely have those two. They are typical behaviors of a middle child...are you a middle child? I am, which I guess helps explains.

Kim said...

I've cried at work too a few times. So don't feel bad about that one. :) And I'm like that too about people. I feel bad if I can't do more to help them when they are in trouble. And I usually know more than one person who is having a hard time at the same time so it makes it harder to help all of them at the same time. I try anyway.

Baloney said...

List your qualities next time you crazy girl!
I'm with you on #16 - but is that really a fault??
I'd say my biggest fault at the moment is that I keep overcommitting myself.
I'm just a girl who can't say NO.

Swizz said...

Somehow I will list the qualities in another post. This was just a way to keep me honest! And REALLY digging.