And the wait is over.

Negative beta.

I got the call this afternoon.

The girl called me "sweetie" when she asked for me.

They only use the term sweetie when they have bad news.

And it was bad.

And I cried.

And felt confused.

And cried some more.

And wondered why?

And wondered why not?

And cried just a little more.

But my tears are all gone, and I'm going to be okay.

I really will!

Because I still believe God has plans for expanding our family.

I still don't know how.  

Or when.

But I believe.

(ALL RIGHT FOLKS, IF YOU'RE HERE...YOU MIGHT AS WELL CATCH UP ON THE WHOLE STORY!  GO HERE AND START FROM THE BEGINNING!)

Blood Test Monday!

So tomorrow is the big day!

Monday, December 19th, 2011...

The big blood draw.

Beta HCG.

And then a wait.

A LONG wait.

(okay, okay...it probably won't really be long.  it'll just feel like infinity plus 1!)

Keep those prayers coming!

So far it appears that there may be at least one bun in the oven!

GO HERE FOR WAITING!

Oh Cramps!

Today is one of those days in infertility you try and forget.

I've had cramps.

Not just minor ones, but "oh my!  that doesn't feel good!" cramps.

So I drank a glass of wine (or 2!) to help relax the ol' uterus.

And am praying.

And asking for your prayers!

We really, really want this last round of ivf to work.

SO stick, babies, stick!

Your family really wants to meet you!

GO HERE FOR BLOOD TEST!

And the two week wait begins!

Today two beautiful embryos were transferred into "my belly", as JMonster says.

December 19th they will do a blood draw to test my beta HCG levels.

A day or two later we will know whether they "stuck"!

We are praying!

We are hopeful!

Won't you please pray for us, too?

(I have a wonderful picture of the embryos...however I have no scanner here in Dallas.  Will post it when I can!)

GO HERE FOR THE NEXT PART

One last try...the final leg of our infertility journey

If you are new to our journey, go to that little tab at the top of the page marked My Infertility Journey.  Go on now, catch up!  We'll wait!

I'm not at home right now so I cannot post any pics.

Sorry!

And I'm working on a pc laptop that seems to jump all over the page.

frustrating

But that is not the big news.

The big news is that we are attempting our final FET cycle...that's frozen embryo transfer for all of you newbies.

Right now we are experiencing our mock month.

It's kind of like a practice month, but with lots of tests.

Did I mention that there are lots of tests?

Oh, and hormones.

LOTS of hormones.

The actual transfer should take place sometime in late November or early December.

I'll definitely keep y'all informed!

Will you pray for us?

I am nervous that it won't work.

I'm also nervous that it will.

Or that it will and we'll end up with twins! 

What we want is God's will.

That is sufficient.

GO HERE FOR THE NEXT PART

My Infertility Journey...a brief update

Somehow I haven't felt much like writing lately.  I've been busy, it's true, but I also haven't had a lot to say.  Life is moving forward, sometimes quickly and sometimes agonizingly slow...

We're homeschooling.  Barely.  We do our reading lesson and reading every day, but other than that I've been a slacker in that area.  I'm giving myself some grace here...he's 4 1/2 and already reading.  We're still ahead of the curve!

I'm trying to organize the house and get it cleaned.  I mean DEEP cleaned.  And ready for us to move this summer.  Which means I need to slowly start packing.

Did I mention JMonster went through a HUGE growth spurt and has outgrown a lot of his clothes?  So, not only are we doing a seasonal closet change, we have to go through every piece to figure out what still fits.  I despise doing this!

(Of course, I also have bursitis in my shoulder.  VERY painful.  VERY limiting!)

And CHRISTMAS is coming!  

I've been finishing the Shutterfly book I do every year.

I've been shopping.

Did I mention the Shutterfly book?

Which takes HOURS?

And in the midst of all of that, we're discussing whether we should try and get pregnant again.  We have 2 more frozen embryos, remember?  And I'm not getting any younger.  And no one has jumped up and shouted that they would be a surrogate for us (okay, 2 people did but both of them promptly got pregnant!).

So, we're discussing doing a transfer in the next couple of months.

But to do so we'd have to add maternity coverage to our health insurance.

Which would cost BIG bucks.

As would a transfer.

And what if it fails?

What if it SUCCEEDS?

What about my trip to HAWAII?

I need a vaca!

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 10)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE, HERE, HERE , HERE ,HERE , HERE , HERE , HERE and HERE.

A wonderful son, a miscarriage, and an ectopic pregnancy. All the makings of an infertility soap opera. Except one...

The next summer was the summer of 2008. I won't go into details in order to protect those who need protecting, but sometime in the spring we were informed of a young lady who was pregnant. We prayed for her for months and then found out she was looking to put the baby up for adoption.

We hurriedly went through the home study process.
(We didn't know this person! This was a leap of faith...)

We got our fingerprints done...I had mine done in booking at the county jail!

We sent her a letter introducing ourselves.
(It was a beautiful letter, heartfelt)...I just reread it...

We got the call. She was in labor.

And she wanted US to be her child's adoptive family.

I don't know how to share the emotions we all went through that summer. Adoption is a wonderful and messy process. It's imperfect and beautiful.

So I prayed. And prayed. And grew closer and closer to God...

And then the birth father showed up. And a legal battle ensued.

And just like that we weren't going to adopt this beautiful child.

Our call now was to pray for him and his life as he stayed with his birth mother and her family. And got sent back and forth to the birth father (who I won't share about since God loves him, but my feelings for him aren't quite what they should be).

And so now we are back to the beginning. We still have 2 frozen embryos. We still would love to adopt.

But pregnancy was horrible on my body. The Rev doesn't want me to go through it again. My mom brings me articles on surrogacy. And I've been through two miscarriages and we're more sure than not that these two embryos would have the same fate.

And in the end I just have to trust God. During the adoption summer, He kept telling me to wait. He reminded me of Noah and the trust he had for over 150 years that God would fulfill what He had told him.

So I wait. For a surrogate?
We can't afford one right now. (Um, they can cost up to $120,000!)

To adopt?
Same problem.

I just KNOW in the depths of my heart that there are children out there for our family. And that one day we will be blessed with them.

I don't know when.

I don't know how.

I don't know how many!

But I have faith.
And with faith, and maybe the help of a few friends, we will be blessed.

GO HERE FOR THE NEXT PORTION

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 9)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE, HERE, HERE , HERE ,HERE , HERE , HERE and HERE. (Now THAT is getting to be a long list. I'll try and finish this up in just one or two more parts so you won't get tired of catching up!)

I had just found out I wasn't pregnant after our second IVF cycle following JMonster. I cried for a few days, wiped my tears, and moved on.

On July 14th we went to dinner with some friends at a restaurant in Phipps Plaza in Atlanta. This is THE mall...you know, where you go to see celebrities and other rich and famous people?

I started feeling bad toward the end of dinner. Just a minor stomach ache, nothing too bad. JMonster was getting antsy so our friend Stacey and I took him to walk around the mall.

The longer we walked, the worse the pain got. In fact, I told her to take JMonster back to the restaurant and get The Rev. Something was wrong...

I sat down on a bench to wait. The pain hit me in waves.

I laid down on the bench.

People started staring as I moaned and held my stomach.

The Rev came and our friends went and got the car. They pulled up outside a nearby exit and I climbed in. The pain had subsided somewhat so I decided to call The Doc rather than just head straight to the ER.

He said I probably had a cyst on my ovary and it ruptured. Take some pain meds and I should be fine...no need for the ER.

We headed home and I went to the restroom. And that's when I noticed the blood.

I called The Doc. I called my ob/gyn office.

The ob/gyn office said pretty much the same thing The Doc had back at the mall.

The Doc said I'd be fine.

Then he called back...

"Take a pregnancy test."

"I'm NOT pregnant!"

"Just humor me..."

So The Rev and our friend Phil ran to the store and bought a pregnancy test.

PREGNANT.

I have to say that the last thing you want to see when you're feeling THIS bad is PREGNANT on a digital pregnancy test. Especially when The Doc is concerned about an ectopic...

He told me not to panic, but to get to an emergency room.

So I did.

Thank goodness for Phil and Stacey! They stayed with JMonster throughout the night.

Miscarriage. Again.

The doc on call for my ob/gyn office didn't even bother to come in to the ER! Told me over the phone and said for me to come in on Monday and follow up. (tongue stuck out for a raspberry)

It's a funny feeling to have a miscarriage when you don't even think you're pregnant.

I went in Monday and had more blood work...just to be sure my numbers were going down.

They weren't. They didn't quite double, but almost. That's what they expect when you're pregnant, not having a miscarriage! Was it possible? Could I really be pregnant? I had a hard time letting myself get my hope up...

So I ended up at the ob/gyn's office several days that week for bloodwork and ultrasounds. In the end they realized I WAS pregnant, but it was on my ovary. Or so they think. There was something on there, but it was hard to see and my numbers were going up but not fast enough for them to indicate a healthy, viable pregnancy.

We decided that a methotrexate shot was the best course for ending the pregnancy. Here I was, wanting to be pregnant, and we were doing something to stop a pregnancy. Felt surreal.

The numbers finally went down and they declared me healthy.

STILL down to just two frozen embryos, but a lot more to think about...

GO HERE FOR PART 10

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 8)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE, HERE, HERE , HERE ,HERE , HERE , and HERE.

Last time we chatted, I told you about the birth of our son JMonster. Boy was he cute!

JMonster yawning (just a few hours old)...
JMonster doing? He did this all the time!

We had such a wonderful time with him that we decided he needed siblings. The Rev and I have ALWAYS wanted a big family. We've just always wanted a house full!

So sometime around April of 2007, just after JMonster turned 1, we headed back to Texas to try for a second monster. At this point we had eight frozen embryos...frozen in pairs. We transferred two and crossed our fingers!

We got pregnant! But around week 4 I miscarried. No one knows why. My numbers had been very low, but they were very low with JMonster.

I didn't weep and moan like some people thought I would. I merely strengthened my resolve and decided we would try again in early summer.

In June we once again headed back to Texas. Back to our doc. Back to uncertainty.

We missed my cycle.

It was early by about 4 or 5 days...I'm fairly regular, so who woulda thunk?

I spend 4-6 weeks in Texas at the beginning of every summer, so we made the decision for JMonster and me to stick around M's house and try again. Boy, can you say PATIENCE?

I started early once again. This time 3 days.

I called the nurse and told her we were ready. She hemmed and hawed and told me she would have to call me back.

What!?!

To make a long complicated story short (or at least shorter)...the embryologist at the clinic who thaws the embroys was going out of town to speak at a National Institute of Health conference. He wouldn't be there to thaw our embryos.

WHAT!?!

We had waited in town almost FOUR WEEKS and they couldn't do it?
I was angry.
Frustrated, sad, and angry.
And ready.

I got on the phone and called around to find a clinic that COULD do it.

My younger sister HA got on the phone with her clinic.

Come to find out later my doctor at our clinic also got on the phone to find someone who could do it.

We finally found an infertility clinic in Los Colinas, just outside of Dallas, who was willing to transfer the embryos to their clinic, thaw them, and transfer them into me, during a natural cycle.

Whew.

We made all of the arrangements (it takes quite a bit of planning to ship frozen embryos!) and I headed to Dallas.

We had the pre-meeting with the doctor, me and my mother in law! He was a very nice man and was glad he could help out in such short notice.

He did an ultrasound and determined that all looked good for a transfer the next day.

My mother in law drove me to the clinic the next morning. She had to drive because I had taken the Valium you're required to have before a transfer. It was POURING, the traffic was horrible, and I was getting motion sick. NOT a good way to start what was supposed to be a wonderful day.

When we got to the clinic (LATE!) I realized that it was the exact day, 2 years later, that we had transferred 2 embryos that had resulted in JMonster! MUST be a good sign, right?

The doc did the transfer, with my mother in law watching on, and he said all went well. It was not an ultrasound guided transfer like I'd had in the past, but he said it wasn't necessary.

Okay.

I did the put my hips in the air thing.

I didn't pick up JMonster for 2 weeks.

July 4th came and I just knew I wasn't pregnant. I stood in the driveway of my in laws and cried to The Rev over the phone as I watched the fire works.

The clinic called a few days later and confirmed what I knew. Not pregnant.

And only 2 frozen embryos left...

GO HERE FOR PART 9

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 7)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE, HERE, HERE , HERE ,HERE and HERE. It might take you some time, but no need to hurry! We're not going anywhere...

So now I was feeling better from the progesterone leaving my body, but starting to get very uncomfortable from the pregnancy. I won't go into all of the details, but let's just say that I'm a fairly small person. And pregnancy was just not good for my body.

Side note: When I was 6 months pregnant we lost my Dad. It was one of the hardest moments in my pregnancy...knowing that he wouldn't get to see or hold my child. It's amazing now how much of him I see in JMonster.

Unlike most of the world, I went into labor ON my due date. I delivered the next day, March 15th, after laboring for 16 or 17 hours but only pushing for 14 minutes.

Here I am, in labor, and you can see my "coach" The Rev in the back.
Think he was a help?
(Okay, he was. A huge one I might add.)

JMonster was born at 2:14pm on March 15th, 2006. He had been in distress during the last part of labor (they threatened me with a vacuum...I wouldn't have it) and it was about 45 minutes before I got to hold him. He was crying on the other side of the delivery room, but when I said his name he stopped crying and actually tried to look around for me. I will never forget that. A newborn trying to raise his head and look with goopy eyes for someone he's never seen, just heard. Awwww...a momma's joy.

 

GO HERE FOR PART 8

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 6)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE, HERE, HERE , HERE and HERE. Go ahead. Take your time! We'll wait...

When we left off last the doc had transferred 2 embryos, it was June of 2005, and we were waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

While you wait you have to lie down. And not lift anything over 5 pounds.

AND GET SHOTS. LOTS of shots.

After a couple weeks of shots my hiney started to get red. And swell. I told the nurse during one of my appointments and she said, "That sometimes happens."

"Like this?" And I showed her my backside.

"Ohhh...I think I need to get the doctor..."

I was allergic. To the shots. Actually, to the sesame seed oil that was the base for the shots. And it made a grapefruit size knot on my backside that was red. Like a tomato.

They stopped those shots. :o)

And gave me pills. :o(

BUT WE WERE PREGNANT! The nurse called and told me that my numbers were on the low side, but that we were definitely pregnant.

I have to admit, I was a bit sad. I'd hoped for twins. Both of my sisters had gotten pregnant with twins...why not me?

That lasted about 2 days.

Then I got sick. Horribly ill from the progesterone pills. They wanted my levels to be over 20...I was over 200. And couldn't get off the couch.

They stayed that way until August 8th...my birthday. The nurse called and told me we could discontinue the progesterone. I sobbed with thanks. Literally sobbed. I'd been so miserable I couldn't think of a better birthday present!

I felt better within a day.

If only it had lasted...

GO HERE FOR PART 7

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 5)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.

So we'd finished the "tests" and headed to Texas. This was Spring Break 2005 and all we were doing was getting an initial consult and finding out how things would go that summer.

We met our doc and his nurse. Loved them! Got all of the info we would need on ordering our drugs from overseas. Easy shmeesy. And then began our wait.

(In the meantime we were following my cycles like they were the most fascinating show we'd ever seen on TV. If you've ever been there, you know what I mean!)

May came, school let out, and our plan was to stay with my sister while the first round was completed. I began the drug regimen and we once again headed to Texas. YEEHAW!

Now this next part becomes a little fuzzy. Maybe it was stressful? Maybe M's twins were such rambunctious toddlers? Who knows...

Before they can do IVF they have to take some of your eggs from you. In order to do this they give you twilight...not a full knock-out, but close (what they SHOULD HAVE given me for that dang HSG test!). They stick a fairly large needle into your ovaries and suck out the viable eggs from their follicles. Won't tell you how they get the needle into your ovary...don't want to scare anyone!

After they did the egg retrieval my doc very calmly told me that during the procedure I had forgotten to breathe. Hmmm...forgotten to BREATHE????? Yessiree bob, the twilight drugs made me stop breathing. SO they quickly grabbed the eggs and turned off the drugs. Whew! Who woulda known the egg retrieval would be so dangerous?

After they grab your eggs they mix them in a petri dish with a sample of life juice...The Rev's, um...you know...which he had so kindly given them. Poor guy.

Lo and behold we had embryos! Every day they would call and tell us how many had made it and what "grade" they looked to be until they became blastocysts and it was time to transfer.

This day I will NEVER forget.

The transfer was to take place at the Scott & White hospital in Temple, Texas. M's husband was a resident there so we knew the place well. It was a morning like most mornings in M's household...chaos reigned as the twins screamed for breakfast and wanted to be played with. M was fixing their breakfast, cutting a peach pit out of a peach to be exact, when the knife slipped and she nearly sliced her thumb off. (Okay, slight exaggeration. But just slight!)

The Rev and I are getting ready to go to the hospital for our embryo transfer. Doc is at work. And M needs stitches. AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

So, The Rev stays with the twins while I drive M to the emergency room. I take my valium I'm supposed to take an hour in advance and Doc shows me to the clinic where the transfer will take place. (He says I acted silly, but he can't prove anything. :o) ) M gets stitches and heads home to relieve The Rev, who rushes to the hospital to be there when the transfer takes place.

They transferred two embryos and we began the agonizing wait to see if they would take...

GO HERE FOR PART 6

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 4)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE, HERE, and HERE !

So we'd made the decision. We had the list of tests we needed to have done before they'd see us at the clinic. Off we went to my ob/gyn.

Blood tests (LOTS of them, at different times of the month) - Check.
Physical exam - Check
HSG test...

Now THAT is a story. The Scary, HORRIBLE, HSG test (hysterosalpingogram)...a test to see if your tubes are open.

We scheduled the test for a day when The Rev could be there with me. They said to take some Advil before the test because I might have some cramping following the test.

We showed up at the hospital, excited and ready. I'd taken the Advil and couldn't wait to see what my insides looked like close up! They got me prepped and on the table. Turned the screen toward me so I could watch, and the doc began.

(For those of you who don't know, an HSG test consists of a catheter being put in the uterus and dye being injected in while x-rays are being taken. The dye flows into the tubes to show how open they are. Or at least that's how it's SUPPOSED to happen...)

The doc inserted the catheter (OUCH!) and began to put the dye in.

I thought I was going to explode. Or implode. Or just die of pain right there on the table. It was the worst pain I've EVER felt in my life. And now that I've given birth, I can actually say it was worse than childbirth.

I screamed. Just like the women you see on the childbirth stories on the Discovery Channel. Loud, panicky screams.

And then the catheter fell out.

The doctor said one of my tubes was blocked but he thought he could get it open. Would it be all right if he just did it one more time?

WHAT!?! I've just been through the most horrible, painful experience and you're ASKING ME if you can do it AGAIN!?!

Just do it. Don't ask. Get. It. Over. With.

He did and it opened.

In the meantime, I screamed and cried. I think it lasted like an hour. Or two. (Okay, maybe a few minutes, but who's counting?)

All the while The Rev was sitting in the waiting room down the hall listening to me scream. Helpless. Not knowing what was going on.

When it was over they took me out and let me get dressed. I almost passed out. I was a wreck for the rest of the day.

When we were on our way home I called my twin sister to give her the news of the tube and all that had happened.

"I'm sorry that happened. The exact same thing happened to me. All of it! The catheter even fell out and had to be put back in. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid it would scare you too bad and you wouldn't go through with it."

#$!@$%#@!

In my opinion, humble as it is, they should have knocked me out for that test. Plain and simple. If there's ever a next time, I'd better be two sheets to the wind before they ever get near me. Or I sue. :o)

GO HERE FOR PART 5

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos (part 3)

If you'd like a refresher or just need to catch up, go HERE and HERE.

Four years. After four years of trying and waiting, we decided we were ready for some help.

I got online and started googling infertility clinics in Atlanta. Specifically I was looking at how much they charge for in vitro (IVF) since I was pretty convinced that was the route we would end up needing.

I almost threw up. And I wasn't pregnant!

Most of the clinics started (STARTED!!!) at $16,000- $20,000 and went up from there.

And there was no guarantee you'd end up with a baby.

Gulp.

My twin sister, M, checked into her infertility clinic for me without telling me. It was their second clinic so she didn't know how much they would charge for a full round. What she found out gave me hope.

$8,000.

Yep, that's half price! Still no guarantees, but we could try twice for the price of one round at the cheapest clinic in Atlanta. Even adding in the cost of travel back to Texas didn't factor in since the price was so much less. (Did I mention insurance doesn't cover a SINGLE PENNY!?!)

So we called the clinic and chatted with the doc about what we would need to do...

GO HERE FOR PART 4

Infertility, Adoption, and kiddos (part 2)

Awhile back I began the story of JMonster and our road through infertility. It was just a teaser, really, so I thought I'd go back and continue the story. If you don't remember, or you are new here, go HERE to catch up!

About 1.5 years after we were married The Rev and I decided we were ready to be parents so we did the usual thing people do...we stopped using birth control. Nothing serious at this point, but we thought if it happens then it happens.

Nothing happened. We didn't worry at first...we knew the road M and her husband had had to go down.

We started charting. We started using those little ovulation kits.

Nada.

During this time we moved to Atlanta and were busy with life there. We were still trying. Still using the kits. Still not worried.

We talked with my ob/gyn (mind you, we'd talked with EVERY doctor I'd ever had.). He said when we were ready, he'd jump on board with whatever we wanted.

And still we waited...for 4 years...

GO HERE FOR PART 3

Missional Monday

This week's Missional Monday is an organization I hope to be involved with in the future. A good friend of mine, Baloney, is very involved with them and currently volunteers for them helping in fundraising, etc.

The organization is: Crisis Pregnancy Outreach

The primary mission of Crisis Pregnancy Outreach is to provide love and assistance, free of charge, to young women who are experiencing a crisis pregnancy, and to their children as well.

History & Information

Members of Christian Chapel used to peacefully walk and pray outside of a Tulsa Abortion Clinic. As time went on, they began to feel the need to provide a meaningful alternative to abortion for girls and women in the Tulsa area and beyond.

Board member, Marilyn Guthmann, and her brother-in-law, Dr. Howard Guthmann, approached Cheryl Bauman. Together, they drafted a proposal to present to the Board and Pastor Richard Exley. The proposal was unanimously approved. Crisis Pregnancy Outreach was birthed in March 1983, as an outreach ministry of Christian Chapel. Within two weeks, the first girl was ministered to.

Crisis Pregnancy Outreach's comprehensive list of services developed as new seeds arose amidst the young women. For example, when a girl needed a place to live during her pregnancy, "host homes" began as the members of Christian Chapel opened their homes to provide a loving, family environment. When a girl needed items for setting up an apartment, the warehouse was formed.

Initially, adoption referrals were made when young women chose to place their children for adoption. It soon became evident that Crisis Pregnancy Outreach should become a Licensed Adoption Agency in order to facilitate open adoptions.

Crisis Pregnancy Outreach accomplishes everything with a team of dedicated volunteers. No one has ever received a salary. (Emphasis mine)

What can you do to help?

Your financial support helps to provide such things as prescriptions, clothing, childbirth classes, counseling, and dental care for our girls. Your support enables us to operate our transitional and maternity homes where our girls are cared for in a loving, home environment.

We accept donations of maternity clothing, baby clothing and equipment, household items, furniture, and appliances. These are to help our girls set up their own apartments or to assist with what they already may have.

Please take some time and check out this wonderful organization on their website! See if their mission can help you match your passion with your purpose.

Twins, Infertility, and Cloning

On my brother's site they are discussing cloning and what is wrong with it.

What is Wrong with Cloning? Seriously.

Allahpundit asks:

What’s the problem? They’re no more genetically related than identical twins. In fact, they’re less related, since they’re being carried to term by a different mother, which means they have different mitochondrial DNA.

I’ve wondered the same thing for some time. Having the same genes does not make two people the same, and people who know identical twins know this better than most. I have three sisters, two of whom are identical twins (and one of those has a blog!). I can tell you that they are very different people.

I can see issues with genetic engineering, but I’m not particularly freaked out by them. I note that Allahpundit (who also isn’t bothered) is an athiest, and I’m an agnostic. Is this a religious thing?

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I have an identical twin and that my identical twin (M), our younger sister (H) and I have all had infertility issues. There are multiple IUI and IVF babies in our broods; two sets of fraternal twins, and only one of the babies born to the 3 of us was conceived "naturally".

When infertility treatments first started, people began asking if those babies conceived in a test tube would have souls. Of COURSE they do. The same as my twin sister and I do. We LOOK alike (see below) but are not the same people.

My identical twin, M.

Swizz...and yes, that is a head growing out of my neck. :o)

The same questions are being asked, now, about babies that are cloned. To me, a silly question, but to some a real moral dilemma.

The problems with cloning, as I see them, are:
1. The first humans that are cloned, even if lots of research is first done on animals, are likely to have some "issues" to deal with. Short life span only being one possibility. Is that fair to the person "created"?
2. Like sperm and egg donor legal problems, there will be even more legal problems with whose child was conceived. And how confusing will this be for the child?
3. "Creating" a baby, just for the sake of saving another human (harvesting of tissues and organs). Once that baby is conceived, they are a human in their own rights and deserve to have those rights protected...not abused for the sake of someone else.
4. Genetic issues. It's not a proven fact, but they have linked a higher incidence of genetic anomalies with IVF. How much more would there be with cloning? Should this keep us from doing it? (I can't say this has stopped ME from using IVF.)

Just a side note, what would we call these babies? I've always said "JMonster was an IVF baby." Just curious!

I'd love to hear what you folks think! Please keep all conversation civil and based on topic...not aimed at another commentator.

Infertility, adoption, and kiddos...

Of this I am sure, God made me to be a Mommy. When I was younger, I was sure I would NEVER be a mom...too filled with doubts about what kind of mom I would be. And then the nieces and nephews started coming and all lingering doubts were driven away.



I have a twin sister. An IDENTICAL twin sister for those of you that do not know me personally. We look somewhat alike, but not exactly the same. We have similar personalities and tastes...and exactly the same genes.

So when M had trouble getting pregnant and had to go the In Vitro route, I knew what The Rev and I were in for. We tried for 4 years before we gave in, though, and headed to the infertility docs to start the journey...

I'll share parts of this story over the next few weeks.

Tonight we had a "going away" party for The Rev. He finished his job working for Peachtree Presbyterian Church on Wednesday and the people he worked with, both staff and lay people, came together to bless him for his time. He is going out on his own, to fulfill the passion that began through this job. It was a wonderful evening filled with memories and tears.

I walked away reminded that MY passion in life is to be a Mommy. God gave me that passion, and it is with great pleasure that I am fulfilling this daily.

GO HERE FOR PART 2

Beyond his years...

One day JMonster will HATE me for posting things on here about him. Until the time he becomes fully aware of it, though, I intend to take full advantage.

This evening while I was putting JMonster down for bed...actually, we were snuggling in the glider in his room, he leaned over and told me he needed to tell me a secret. "Come closer," he said and pulled my head so he could whisper in my ear.

"I am grateful for you and I love you."

REALLY! That is what he whispered in my ear. My child, who will just be 3 in one week, TOLD ME that he is GRATEFUL for me and that he LOVES ME! Unprompted. And, I'm not sure I've said the words I'm grateful to HIM.

What a blessing God has given me with my precious son. Through all of the infertility trials we went, through all of the tears and heartache, we were blessed beyond all imagination.

And now, in front of the entire world (okay, in front of those few that read my blog!) I announce that

I AM GRATEFUL for JMONSTER and I LOVE HIM!

Go tell someone how special THEY are to YOU.