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Monday, April 12, 2010


I found out yesterday that one of my dear friends from high school passed away recently. He had a massive heart attack and died, leaving behind two kids and his wife. I mourn for their loss. I mourn for mine.

In the face of this loss, one of my first thoughts was of another dear friend from high school. He was one of my best friends for of the people I called FIRST or thought of FIRST when I had a story to tell. A feeling to share.

We became friends my freshman year in high school. He was two years older and the older brother of one of my long time friends. We had met once before, but I really didn't know him.

Our friendship lasted through high school. Through college. Through grad school.

He was in my wedding.

I thought I would be in his.

One day I left a message for him telling him something about what was going on in life. His wedding was getting close and I was excited to finally meet his fiancee. You see, we lived HOURS apart and he had dated her for only a short time. The Rev and I hadn't had time to meet her, but we were very happy for him.

Sometime that night, or possibly in the next couple of days, he called. He was yelling. Telling me how horrible I had been. Asking how I could do that to him.

I thought he was joking. I hadn't done anything.

And then I realized he was serious. Dead serious.

I crawled on the floor of my closet and sobbed. I told The Rev I couldn't talk anymore. He took the phone and tried to talk some sense into him.

This is someone I thought my children would call "Uncle". Would be there for all of the births, birthdays, and everything in between. Someone my husband hugged and shared jokes with. Someone I thought of like a brother.

He told me we couldn't be friends anymore. That he was getting married and it was not okay for men and women to be friends.

Even though we had been friends for years after I got married. He was friends with my husband.

He said it was wrong. And that we shouldn't come to the wedding.

I haven't spoken with him since then.

I've thought of him and prayed for him often.

It still makes me feel sick to think he will never meet my little boy.

He doesn't know that my Dad passed away 4 1/2 years ago.

He wasn't there through every hill and valley we've had since then.

To think he CHOSE not to be in my life.

How can you do that to family?


backwoods conservative said...

That sounds like some reverse form of insane jealousy. Men and women certainly can be friends, and marriage is no impediment to it. What is important with being friends with married members of the opposite sex is for all parties to understand and respect the boundaries involved.

I've been friends with a lot of married women over the years, and still am. I would never consider asking a married woman to demean herself by doing anything out of line with me. I always endeavor to conduct myself in such a manner that I could look her husband straight in the eye and have nothing to feel guilty about.

I wonder what that guy has in his heart or past behavior that causes him to have so little trust in himself.

backwoods conservative said...

I also recently lost a friend from high school. I was looking through the obituaries and saw a family name I recognized and clicked to see if the lady was kin to any of the people I knew. What I found was that one of my old classmates, whose married name I never knew, had passed away. I also found that it's possible to not see somebody for thirty years and it will still tear your heart out when they pass away.

Baloney said...

Oh my. Those are the things we can never resolve even though many years pass. I don't know who the first OR the second story are about and now I'm wondering.
Sorry for both of those losses, Swizz.

Sarah said...

That is bizarre! It's one thing to be aware of appearances and inappropriate behavior, and maybe he felt something for you and knew he should let things slide over time but to lash out at you is just awful. I wonder if he was provoked by the fiancee?

daflowers said...

My heart goes out to you my friend. I remember talking with you about this situation and wishing that I could offer you some wise words of comfort and resolution.
Now, all I can do is encourage you to remember and rejoice in the joy and love you had in the early time and the friendship you had once upon a time. Nothing can ever take that away from you.
I pray that he has found peace with God and whatever it was that he struggled with has left him behind and he can look upon you with the smiles you once shared. His issues were most likely his alone. You are a true and virtuous child of God who continued to love a friend and fellow child in spite of a distance you could not cross.
Have faith that God knows the answers and hope that someday He may find you worthy enough to share them.
Until then, know that He will care for you and yours. I am praying for you...

Swizz said...

I have the best friends. In real life and on the web. Thanks, guys!